That’ll be $1 Please

Having a boy has many perks – simple hair, low maintenance shopping and no high-pitch screaming – but when it comes to things like making sure all of your pee lands inside the toilet, boys suck.

Yes, I’m tired of wiping up misdirected urine from the floor, Gasp!, - Miles is only 7 so it’s not like he’s standing that far from the toilet – but no worries, I’ve come up with a plan to fix his little problem.

I’ve decided to start charging him $1 every time he misses the potty and doesn’t clean it up himself. We’ll see if that can straighten him out – no pun intended. He only has a few dollars so for his sake I hope he learns quickly.

What creative ways have you come up with to correct your kids’ minor malfunctions? Do tell, frustrated mamas want to know …

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

If you haven’t been over to The BlogRollers to check out my new site and enter to win a $25 Target gift card what are you waiting for? I’m also dishing about being married to a big spender at Ask Wifey. So many places to visit, so little time. Go. Now. Hurry.

"Reunited and It Feels So Good"

A reunion is probably not the best way to describe my Uncle Tony meeting his son, Charles, after 38 years since he never knew he existed; but, after watching the two together you would think they were never separated.

It was a television weekend for my family – I was on The Travel Channel and my uncle and his son’s heartwarming story made the local news. You don’t want to miss this one. …



And they say there are no happy stories on the news. Love you, Charles! Welcome to the family.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

WAIT! The Travel Channel show “Great Cruises: Why Not the Mediterranean?” featuring me and my girlfriends aired this past Saturday night; and today is the last day to win the goodie I brought back from Venice. You guessed, come on over to Ask Wifey to catch a clip of the show and get in on the contest!

Time to Let it Go

I know we’re in a recession, but damn, this is ridiculous…



Yes, that’s my eyeliner and I think I’ve gotten all that I can from it – especially since it’s so small I can’t get it out of the top.

Here’s a little perspective…



Can someone please tell me to stop being so cheap – and lazy – and to treat myself to a new eyeliner?

Speaking of doing things for yourself; how long has it been since you took some Me Time? I dishing about it over at Ask Wifey. Come get inspired … or maybe inspire someone else.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

The Breakfast Song

Ironically this video was sent to me yesterday after I announced my food lockdown. Meet my Uncle Jethro and Cousin Verna. No, not really. But I love this like they were…



If you haven’t been by Ask Wifey to weigh in on Lock and Knock, now would be a great time to do so…

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Wifey’s 25

I know, I know, its Hump Day at Wifey’s House and there’s no sex post. Gasp! There's just me … and 25 things about me.

I wrote this list for the “25 Random Things about You” note that has plagued Facebook and figured I’d share it at Wifey’s House, too.

So, here’s 25 random things about Wifey … please don’t hold, ahem, any of them against me:

1. Napoleon is my favorite husband. Yes, he’s my only one, but he’s still my favorite.
2. I’m a child at heart. I let my kids go down the stairs head first because I remember how much fun it was when I did it.
3. My sister is my best friend; we call each other Mi Hermana (my sister in Spanish).
4. I’m a certified personal fitness trainer … and I love beer.
5. I would eat pasta every day if it wouldn’t blow me up.
6. I live in the south and I don’t drink sweet tea.
7. I gained more than 40 pounds with my second child.
8. I lost 70 pounds after my second child.
9. I’ve run one half marathon and do The Peachtree Road Race every year.
10. The first car I bought was a ’77 white, four-door Chevy Nova with red plaid “Gucci” interior. Her name was Lillian.
11. Some “friends” I went to high school with stole Lillian and crashed her. She was renamed “The Stolen Nova” and was put to rest.
12. My second car was a Chrysler Laser – The Brown Hornet. I drove it until the door fell off – literally.
13. I Twitter. @wifeyshouse.
14. I’m taking piano lessons ‘cause it’s never too late to learn.
15. I went to the best HBCU – Hampton University.
16. I worked for the best women’s HBCU – Spelman College.
17. I had the time of my life working for the “original” LaFace Records.
18. I don’t miss the madness … just the people.
19. I love writing.
20. I’m a “24” fanatic; and I watch “The Today Show” every morning.
21. I love the NBA ... and the NFL.
22. I play women’s and mixed doubles tennis in an Atlanta tennis league.
23. My wedding was on TLC’s television show “A Wedding Story.”
24. I just took a cruise in the Mediterranean for a television show on The Travel Channel.
25. No, I’m not a reality TV star, but I did have dreams of being a sportscaster in high school.

Don’t worry, I’m not tagging anyone, but feel free to throw yourself under the bus and share a few random facts of your own; inquiring minds would love to know…

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Guilty Pleasure

Friday’s confession…

I have been waiting all year for the new season of this…



Friday Night Lights

Yes, I’m a grown-ass woman. 37 years old. No, I've never lived in Texas, never even been to Texas, and my teenage years are long gone, but I still love this addictive show about a small town high school football program – and all the drama that goes with it.

I will be comfortably parked in front of my flat screen at 9 p.m. tonight; and I might even pop some popcorn.

Come on and confess…what guilty pleasure do you enjoy watching? Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone…

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Sexperiment for MARRIED Couples – Warning Requires Sex - Gasp!

It’s Hump Day at Wifey’s House, the one day a week I dish about sex. In case you missed it, here’s a clip from CBS News about Reverend Ed Young’s “sexperiment.”



It reminds me of a shortened and more obtainable version of this.

Over the past week I’ve seen several interviews and media coverage that has either praised him for suggesting such a thing or has condemned him for suggesting such a thing. Gasp! It’s amazing the controversy that sex can stir – especially sex encouraged to strengthen MARRIED couples’ relationships. I did hear him correctly; he is only talking to MARRIED couples, right?

Thoughts? Opinions? Participants? Inquiring and MARRIED minds want to know…

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

She’s So Resourceful

Milan wanted to ride her bike but couldn’t find her helmet…



Yes, that’s her softball batting helmet on her head.



Nothing’s going to stop this girl.

Later, when she was done playing with her princess babies I told her to put them away…



Five hours later I found them in captivity. Yes, that’s the dog’s crate.


Poor baby Cinderella and Jasmine.

That’s not quite what I had in mind, but you gotta love it. She's so resourceful...

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Is Age Just a Number?

I just read an interesting article in USA Today on the ideal age to get married. According to the US Census, the new median age is almost 26 for women and almost 28 for men. It’s the oldest since they began keeping stats.

Is it better to start your career and look for love later in life? Or, does it make sense to build your life and career with the one you love? What do you think? Ageless wives want to know…

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

I’m Back…

It’s Hump Day at Wifey’s House, the one day a week I dish about sex. Could there be better day to come back? OK, truth be told I’ve been back for a week, I just haven’t blogged. I needed some time to rejoin the “real” world. Wifey’s big adventure was so awesome and dare I say life changing that even I, a writer, can’t fully put it into words – gasp! Instead of trying to do that in one post I’ve decided to share bits and piece of my journey over time, but today, ahem, is Hump Day…

Did anyone watch Oprah’s show on sex this past Monday? Yes, somehow Oprah keeps finding her way into Hump Day. Anyway, if you missed it, you missed a good one. Dr. Laura Berman was her guest and gave a really fun and informative sex lesson about fantasies, orgasms and vajayjays as Oprah calls them.

I won’t attempt to retell the entire show, I suggest setting your DVR to catch it when it reruns, but I will share with you Dr. Berman’s homework assignments. The first one is to kiss for 10 seconds everyday. A few months ago I wrote about kissing and suggested something similar. Move past the peck and kiss your husband for a full ten seconds without the intent of it leading to sex. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised how long a real ten seconds is – one one-thousand, two one-thousand… – and what kind of reaction you’ll get when you do it.

The second homework assignment caused a little stir with the audience: look at your vulva with a handheld mirror. Gasp! Her rational is that you need to know yourself, your own body, and be able to look at, especially if you want him to. Talk about freaking some people out. It’s amazing how sex, and most things relating to sex, can ignite such strong reactions. She didn’t suggest that you examine his body, ahem, she simply suggested that you look at your own.

So, this week feel free to recall your school days and do a little homework. Doubling up on the first assignment might even earn you extra credit.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Don't Wake the Baby!

Friday’s confession…

I have the terrible habit of laughing at some of the things my children do and say that should solicit a more, ahem, parental response. Thank God for Husband or we would all be a hot mess.

For instance, Milan put her baby doll to sleep the other day. It was all nice and neatly tucked into its baby carrier. After she put the baby down on the couch she looked at us both sweetly and said, shh, please talk softly so that you don’t wake up my baby.”

Both Husband and I shrugged our shoulders alright. I guess that wasn’t good enough for Miss Milan because she responded quickly, “if you wake my baby up, she’ll reach out and scratch you!”

Gasp! WTF? Where did that come from?

After ducking away to hide my laughter I pulled myself together enough to tell her that I hope she is teaching her baby that scratching people is not a nice thing to do.

Yes, my darling dear had answer for that one, too.

“I tell her, Mama, but she just doesn’t listen.”

Hmm, sounds familiar.

How about you? Are you good at keeping a straight face in front of your children or do you laugh out loud? Silly moms want to know…

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

I Suck

Friday’s confession…

I suck. I didn’t do my Friday’s confession. Oh wait, that is a confession. Let’s start over…

I suck.

Seriously, I’ve had an extremely productive work week which in turn has left me without my normal Friday’s confession. This is a good and bad thing. Work is good, no confession is bad.

Oh wait, I forgot… I did do a confession…I suck. See what too much work and lack of alcohol does…

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

(No, I'm not catholic, every Friday at Wifey's House I confess something that probably shouldn't be said.)

Tooth Fairy Fired Due to Budget Cuts

Friday’s confession…

I’m a little on the frugal side. I like to save money. I look for bargains or inexpensive brands… oh hell, I’m cheap! So, when my son woke up the other morning and told me that the tooth fairy left him $4 I knew he must’ve counted incorrectly.

Four dollars? WTF? That’s a gallon of gas.

Don’t get me wrong. My children are priceless, but come on, it’s a tooth. And it’s not in his mouth anymore.

So I had a little chat with the tooth fairy who thought that was a fair amount for the type of tooth that it was and it’s position in the mouth. Again, WTF? Clearly the tooth fairy is not in charge of the budget at Wifey’s House.

Is it just me or is $4 a lot? I remember getting change for my teeth. I know that was 30 years ago, ahem, but still. Please let me know if you think I should fire the tooth fairy or if I need to get second job to pay for all these teeth.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Sex Facts or Fiction

It’s Hump Day at Wifey’s House, the one day a week I dish about sex. This week I could use a little mindless humor. I stumbled across this website of interesting facts and thought that I’d share a few of the sex ones with you.

Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate. Is that why I get so excited over a good piece of … chocolate?

Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds. No, really? I thought it was 5.

Each day, there are over 120 million sexual intercourse acts taking place all over the world. Wow. Imagine if all of the tired moms added to that number.

Sex burns 360 calories per hour! This is good to know for my Fifteen in Five plan.

Eight-five percent of men who die of heart attacks during intercourse are found to have been cheating on their wives. Can you say Karma?

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Hello, they lived in Bedrock…Yabba dabba doo!

25% of women think money makes a man sexier. No comment.

Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don’t. And I thought reading all of those self-help books was productive.

The average person spends 2 weeks of its life kissing. Hmm, I wonder how much of that leads to the 120 million sexual intercourse acts per day.

I’m not sure how many of these are facts or fiction. The site that I pulled them from listed no sources, but did include this on one of the lists:

60% of statistics are made up... Gasp! You mean eating large quantities of chocolate is not just like having sex? Damn.

This last one has nothing to do with sex, but I couldn’t resist…

In an average day, a four year old child will ask 437 questions. I can vouch for this one myself.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Front Seat Access

OK, is it me or does it seem like there are more children riding in the front seats of cars these days? I just got in from running, ahem, jogging, and saw a child that couldn’t have been more than 8 years old ride by in the front passenger seat of a car. And, yesterday when I picked the kids up from school, a little boy hopped in the front passenger side, too, and he didn’t look a day over 9. I even saw a little girl who looked like she might be 6, if that, slip into the front.

What’s with all of the front seat access? Did I miss some recall or change in the law that states kids are now safe in the front and that the airbags won’t kill them anymore? I’m not passing judgment, really, I’m not, I just hate to see kids put in dangerous situations, especially when they don’t have to be. All the cars had huge, empty back seats. Really they did, I looked.

I also looked at this…

The front flip sun visor in my SUV.

Is it just me? I’m not a neurotic, strict-rule abiding parent by any means, but come on…who really wants the little jokers (and all of their toys) in the front seat with them anyway?

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Breasts, Tummies, Lips… Now This?

It’s Hump Day at Wifey’s House, the one day a week I dish about sex.

Did you know that you can get plastic surgery done on your vajayjay? Breasts, lips, hips even butts, but I had no idea that upgrades were available for your vagina, too.

I personally am not a big fan of plastic surgery (although I never say never) nor am I advocating for anybody to get some, but I am truly fascinated that there are procedures for your private area and felt the need to share my discovery with you.

I was watching The View last week and saw Dr. David Matlock from the television series Dr. 90210 dishing with the hosts about laser vaginal rejuvenation and improving sexual relations by tightening vaginal muscles. Then he broke out a model of the vaginal area, pointed out the infamous G-spot and explained that there is a G-spot Shot that can increase sexual pleasure and cause more frequent and multiple orgasms. Hello.

While all of that sounds, um, exciting, I’m not certain that me and my vajayjay are ready to visit the good doctor, but for any of you who might be tempted – oh, come on… I know some of you, ahem, many of you have to be a tiny bit curious – here’s a link to The Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Los Angeles where you can learn more about it.

In the meantime, this just might be good motivation to give yourself a little natural rejuvenation – can anyone say Kegels?

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Open Door Policy

I normally don’t like to put Husband on blast, but I couldn’t resist…

I’ve heard of having an open door policy, but this is a bit extreme. For a moment I thought I was caught in the movie Poltergeist …


One


Two

Three


Four

Five

Six


Seven

… until I saw Husband in the tv room with a bowl of microwave popcorn. Yes, that was seven doors he left open - including two appliances. And, I wondered where the kids get it from.

Ha.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Just Do It!

It’s Hump Day at Wifey’s House, the one day a week I dish about sex.

I was watching The Today Show yesterday and saw a segment about a married couple who vowed to have sex for 101 days – in a row. Gasp! Not only did they do it – yes, pun intended – they wrote a book about it called Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses)! by Douglas Brown.

OK, I can’t lie, they caught my attention. For some people sex has never been an issue. Even through pregnancies, babies and sleepless nights their sex life has never suffered. Kudos to them. For the majority of us as kids, work, and life in general attempt to sabotage our sex lives, we need to work a little harder at making sure we “just do it.”

While 101 days in a row might be a bit ambitious, I like where they are going with this. I feel a challenge coming on, but I’m going to wait to read the book first. It comes out on June 24 and sounds like an interesting read. So, in the meantime, I think the title of the book pretty much sends a good message: turn off the TV and just do it!

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Mother's Day is Over

Riding home from Miles’ team pizza party last night I told little girl that she had to go first in the bath. She replied…

“Why can’t we flip a coin and then I can say ‘heads’ and we can see who goes first from there?”

“Because it would be helpful to mommy if you just went first tonight.”

“But mama, it’s NOT Mother’s Day!”

See what I’m working with here…

Ha.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

New/Old Kids on the Block

Friday’s confession …

OK, I admit it, I DVR’d The Today Show this morning ‘cause I just had to see the New Kids on the Block reunion. No, I’m not necessarily a fan, but curiosity was killing me. At the risk of dating myself, I’m from the 80’s era and I still cannot believe the amount of people that took over Rockefeller Plaza in New York to see them perform.



Wow. They actually pulled it off.

What’s next? Are we going to bring back thick leg warmers and re-release The Breakfast Club?

You gotta love it...

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey