Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Erotica for Everyone?

It’s Hump Day at Wifey’s House, the one day a week I dish about sex.

Several months ago I wrote this post about women watching porn and the stigma that goes with it. It stemmed from an article that I read in O, The Oprah Magazine. Well, good old Oprah is inspiring me again, this time from her television show, specifically the one she aired on Monday about sex.

Several of the segments discussed pornographic videos, or as it was often referred to on the show, erotica. Oprah talked to several unassuming, everyday, average-looking women about their desire to watch erotica and how it enhances their sex lives. The experts all agreed that erotica can be beneficial to a couple’s sex life, especially when used as tool to increase a woman’s sex drive.

I know, I know, the taboo is still there. Watching porn, ahem, erotica is for men, it’s degrading to women, tasteless and something that good girls never do, right? If that’s the case then please explain how one in every four dollars spent in the $12 billion adult entertainment industry is spent by a woman. Gasp!

Apparently, times are changing. Porn doesn’t have to be just for the boys anymore. It doesn’t have to be degrading, tasteless or something only naughty girls explore. It even has a nice new name, erotica, and is often encouraged by many sex therapists to rekindle the sparks in couples’ sex lives.

So for those of you interested, I’ve got a site for you. I must say, it’s not like the Suzy Homemaker site I suggested a few weeks ago, this is erotica… oh hell, its porn, and they’re not shy about it.

When I went to BlogHer ’08 a few weeks ago, one of the first people I met was J.D. Bauchery, a sex blogger and porn reviewer for While most of the 1000 women at the conference where mommy bloggers I, of course, sat the table with one of the few porn bloggers in the place. At any rate, she gave me her card and encouraged me to check out the site, so I did. In addition to movies, they also have reviews, blogs, sex tips, erotica stories and more.

While erotica might not be for everyone, clearly the number of enthusiasts is growing. If you find yourself the least bit curious, don’t be shy, just be safe, and remember one in every four out of $12 billion in the adult entertainment industry is spent by women – you’re obviously not alone.

Winks & Smiles,


Monkey Toe Momma said...

Although I'm not apposed to watching porn, I just don't. I say, more power to you for doing so. I've just been brainwashed into thinking that I'm not supposed to and that it's naughty. I do, however, read romance novels. I blush like crazy if it gets too steamy. Which makes my husband laugh and he'll take the book from me and read it out loud and we both end up laughing at how very cheesy it sounds.

Wifey said...

I agree and think that either way is fine. Some people like it and some people don't. I'm a big believer in people should do what they are comfortable with - not what people want them to do; or they shouldn't do something because of what others might think. I also think it's fine to keep preferences private. No one has to announce to the world what they do or don't like.

And, yes, the cheesy stuff is hilarious. Smiles!

Tracee said...

I saw that episode and read that article.

But, I'm conflicted because so much of porn is violent against women and girls.

If you try to find erotica that doesn't - demean, minimize, harass, and even kidnap, beat, handcuff, hit, sell, or make people be turned on by a theme that is damaging to women, actually uses or pretends to be pedophelia and treats females as insignificant objects - you have to wade through all that to find something tasteful and appealing. By then your brain is already damaged.

I met a woman at BlogHer who said she sold porn for women and I went to the page to investigate. Mexican Gang Rape Kidnapping was on the front page of picks.

What the f##$$%!

Yes, women can be self-sexualized to the point where they get off on their own abuse or violent treatment or get off on seeing pornography of that nature - but hopefully most of us don't.

Tracee said...

need to subscribe to comments - sorry, duplicate.

Kim/2 Kids said...

I can't say that I've intentionally watched porn since college but it was fun then so why not now. Recently, my friends took me to Palm Desert for my birthday and there was free porn on the TV. Now, this wasn't much fun with my two best girlfriends but I did notice that it has changed. In a good way, of course.

Wifey said...

Thanks for weighing in Tracee. I think you bring up very strong and valid points.

I personally do not condone, nor want to see anything that is degrading or hurtful to women. I am not a porn/erotica expert, but I do believe, as you said, that there is also porn/erotica that is NOT destructive and that can be tasteful and appealing. I also believe that women who choose to watch porn that they are comfortable with should not be made to feel ashamed or embarrassed.

Great comment and food for thought!

Tracee said...

This is a real question - where can we find it without participating, passively or actively, in the bad stuff?

Wifey said...

Tracee, GREAT question. As I said I'm not an expert (although I might be when all of this is said and done - smiles), but I will take that one on, do a little research and make sure to let you, and anyone else interested, know.

White Hot Magik said...

I would be a big fat liar if I said I have never watched it. However I think it is something we have moved past in our lives, or at least trying to. We were never into a over sexualized lifestyle that caused us problems, but I think it is easy to get in the trap about fantasizing more about the porn than your partner, and then doing things on your own without your partner, and that isn't wasn't so healthy for our marriage. Tracee brings up some valid points too. I have read bits of some erotic literature at the store, that isn't cheesy like the romance novels but still gives good ideas, I just didn't buy it, yet..

Tracee said...

Here's a plug for a book I recently bought - it's not erotica it's a sex instruction manual called Extended Sexual Orgasm and its beats porn hands-down because it will provide better sex with your partner as White Hot Magik says.

Let's face it - porn is the LAZY man's (or woman's) lay. It's useful because it will get you there without a lot of time or energy.

Sex takes effort and we're tired.

Here's a link where I wrote about ESO and shared one of the tips:

Wifey said...

I LOVE the dialogue ladies! Smiles! Reading erotica can be very sexy. I think with that you also have to weed out the junk, but I must say I have read some interesting, ahem, pieces, too.

Tracee, I will definitely check out your link.

J.D. Bauchery said...

Hello! This is J.D. Bauchery from, the one that some of you talked to at Blogher. Tracee, I'm not sure if it's me you spoke with or it is HotMoviesForHer you are talking about, but I just wanted to chime in on the conversation. As a women's porn site, we are dedicated to finding videos and images that are empowering and exciting to women. In fact, many of the movies we feature are made by women! It's really important to us to stress that we know that women want so many different things and there is no standard type of porn that women only watch. We review a new women friendly movie daily and try to make sure we have a variety of genres and types. I realize that there is a lot of porn out there that is degrading towards women, but at HotMoviesForHer, we weed through that to bring you exiting erotica and videos that are women positive and sexy. Hot women-friendly porn is out there… you just need to know where to look!

Tracee said...

yeah I went to HotMoviesforHer and really, I found exactly the same crap - much of it degrading and offensive to women and girls - I would find on a male porn site.

Including to references to pedophilia, incest, young girls, young boys and all sorts of trash I don't want to wade through to find a movie I might actually like.

I don't think your product is specially chosen for women - I think you just added the word "her" to the name of the regular porn website.

Wifey said...

J.D. and Tracee, thanks for continuing the conversation. I appreciate and respect reading different opinions and views.

I must note that when I visited the site, I could see that it was definitely a "porn" site, but I did not see anything illegal or deplorable such as pedophilia, or young boys, etc., or I would not have included it on my blog.

As, I said before, I will gladly do a little research to find some of the softer sites and share that information in a different post.

Again, thanks for weighing in and sharing your thoughts.

Tracee said...

Copied and pasted from the site.

Young Girls Who Suck Cock
Cock Starved Teens
Taboo II & Taboo III are featured films: "Barbara Scott, (Kay Parker) distraught and yearning for her son Paul,"
"The story of seduction continues from the Scott family to the McBride's, where mother and son, brother and sister, father and daughter enter the perverse world of incestuous pleasures."
Not to mention the Double Penetration Gang Bang - The real sexual fantasies of WOMEN? Yeah, right.

Wifey said...

Tracee, again, I appreciate your passion on this subject. I can clearly understand why these particular titles are offensive and not interesting to you (or me, and I'm sure many others).

If you are challenging whether these are actors or real family members, young kids, etc., partaking in illegal acts in these films, I strongly recommend contacting someone at the site and/or the production companies.

Thanks again for your input.

Tracee said...

I don't think its relevant whether they are "really kids."

I think marketing them as being kids is plenty damaging in its own right. And millions of adults getting off on the idea of having sex with them is damaging in it's own right.

It's the reason Girl has become a 4 letter word synonymous with porn.

Wifey said...

Thanks, again, for sharing your thoughts.

TheSara said...

There is plenty of porn that people may find offensive, degrading or whatever - and not just to women... I think it's better to look for stuff that might turn you on or open your eyes to a new experience instead of searching out things you don't like.

Personally, I'm offended by the thought that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are published authors, but that doesn't mean I should give up on reading!

Wifey said...

Hi TheSara, Thanks for stopping by and weighing in. So does that mean you won't vote Paris for president? Smiles!

Tracee said...

Did you see Oprah yesterday? Turns out the porn advertises sex with children and teenagers really ARE children (not consenting underdeveloped women as we might want to pretend), according to the FBI. It's much more heinous and evil than I imagined.

We can help stop it: